Unintentionally Funny Headlines

This was seen in Google News-Madison today. Given the lengthy scandal, I'm thinking someone has heard that line before....

Without Chemicals, Life Itself Would Be Impossible

The names have been changed to protect the innocent, and to comply with my employer's social media policy

The slogan in the post's title was actually used by Monsanto many years ago. I decided to revive it because without chemicals (performance-enhancing chemicals, that is), leading the company I work for in the Get Up and Ride Wisconsin cycling challenge would be impossible.

Because my chemically-injured body's first choice is always to shut down, I take three different medications throughout the day which are considered by any modern sports authority to be performance-enhancing, although only two of them can be detected by the tests currently in use. Keep in mind, this is just to get me back to an everyday level of functionality. If I ever donated my blood and it was given to a normal person his head would probably explode.

Still, I wonder if anyone at work knows they're being beaten by a man disabled by four different chronic and incurable medical conditions (even though I am fully ambulatory). I am a man who became this way by being poisoned, and who even to this day has all of those heavy metals and toxins in his system. Surely this would be a disadvantage, but I'm guessing all they can see is the miles.

I still have to take a great deal of precaution when riding the bike. I continue to wear respirators, I have to keep most of my skin covered up so it doesn't absorb everyday toxins in the air, and I avoid traffic and stick mostly to the bike paths. But it's nice to get out every once in a while and see what's going on around Madison.

Today I went on Madison's 2011 World Naked Bike Ride, fully clothed, for medical reasons. I figured since I had to wear clothes I'd put on a safety/reflective shirt, a bunch of flashing safety lights on my bike Sun Dog, and stay in the rear of the pack, to protect all of the naked riders in front of me.

The ride was a little smaller this year as opposed to last, partly due to Wisconsin's current political climate, but the public's response was truly amazing. As the ride went down State Street and around the farmer's market on the Capitol Square, a roar of applause, clapping, and laughter erupted as the ride went past. By virtue of riding in back of the pack, I witnessed a continuous wave of people running out into the street to take pictures of the group as it made its way further down the avenue. Some of these people even outran me and I was on a bike, although I was not pedaling very quickly at this point. Sometimes there would be 5-6 people shoulder to shoulder running behind the group like a football team's offensive line, just trying to catch up and get close enough to take a pic.

It was a good-natured form of protest, and it also added 9.8 miles to my miles biked total in the Get Up and Ride Wisconsin challenge.

Unintentionally Funny Broken Neon Signs

On State Street in Madison, Wisconsin.

Think about it.......

The Dangerous, Dangerous Streets Of Madison

So far I'm up to 199 cycling miles and I've burned an estimated 9,355 calories, although that number is probably based on a smaller cyclist and not a 220 pound man artificially soaked with testosterone. It takes more energy to get a 220 pound man rolling than it does a 180 pound man, hence, my calories burned is likely to be a higher number.

Again, it is important to note that most of my daily witnessing of traffic violations come from not the regular streets themselves, but where Madison's bike paths (where 95% of my bike riding occurs) merely intersect regular streets, or in a bike lane (supposedly a protected area) which parallels a regular street. This self-denial of regular street riding is mainly because of my aversion to automotive smog, despite wearing one or more respirators. A bike rider who spends most of their time on regular streets probably see much more than this.

My weakened respiratory system is also boosted by an oxygen concentrator, and because my insurance company won't pay for Provigil that was prescribed by a fully-licensed environmental doctor and which medicine fought the effects of chronic fatigue syndrome with few side effects, I have to take a high dose of a much cheaper and relatively harsh stimulant to stay awake, and frankly, it's better for me to burn off some of that energy cycling than it is to just sit there and take it. So before anyone is foolish enough to think I am healed or back on my feet & somewhat normal again, all of this is just another one of my over-complex coping strategies to deal with the cards multiple chemical sensitivity has dealt me. My engineer's drive to make all of the pieces fit together efficiently has no doubt helped to rewrite this unique situation into a workable solution.

Yesterday, silly me, I forgot to turn on the mini-cam. It's a real shame because I really thought this mod rocker chick at James Madison Park was checking me out, and I wanted to go back and see if the objective perspective of a mini-cam lens would see the same thing.

What I did see during the ride, and what the mini-cam would have seen if it had been turned on (IMO, like the mod rocker chick) was:

• Too many cars not yielding right of way to pedestrians and cyclists in a marked crosswalk to count.
• One moped driver not yielding the right of way to cyclists in a marked crosswalk.
• One cyclist in a dedicated countraflow bike lane not yielding to a cyclist (me) in a marked crosswalk, who then gave me the stink eye because he thought I was in the wrong, despite me having the pedestrian right-to-walk light AND the contraflow lane has it's own traffic light just for bikes, which told this guy HE was supposed to stop. Stink your own eye and follow the rules, you know what a red light means. (PS-I'm a top-heavy 220 pound guy on a loaded-down trekking bike, and you're a 160 pound guy on a stripped-down fixed gear bike. I was wearing a helmet, you weren't. If we had actually collided, I would have come out on top, in a manner of speaking, and I would be able to sue you for my bike's repair bill. Your bike was also missing the flashing white headlight in front, as required by law 347.489(1)).
• One cyclist who couldn't hold their lane on the bike path, crossed the striped line dividing the two lanes of traffic, and nearly had a head on collision with me, while I was holding my line in my lane of the bike path.
• One cyclist who was riding down the wrong side of the road (near the curb on the left side of the road), and who made me to move over, rather than her simply moving to the correct side of the road in the first place. At least this person wore a helmet, but if she can't figure out which side of the road to ride on, there may not be much upstairs to protect.
  
• One car illegally using the bike lane as a right turn lane.

Just follow the rules, people. In nearly all of the cases listed above, those in the wrong knew they were breaking the law.

Believe it or not, I'm a cycling advocate. I've ridden in cycling advocate events, and I'm not just talking about Critical Mass. I'm with a group trying to meet the mayor to discuss cycling and pedestrian safety. Car drivers ignorant or unwilling to follow cycling/pedestrian safety laws are dangerous to cyclists and pedestrians because the car is usually a 2 ton vehicle that has every advantage against a cyclist or walker, but two cyclists colliding isn't going to be pain-free either, especially if one of them isn't wearing a helmet. And the bottom line is, IF EVERYBODY WOULD JUST FOLLOW THE LAWS we'd all be safer.

Sadly, this tradegy recently occurred in Madison. The driver of an SUV ran over a cyclist and was dragging her down the street. A truck saw what happened (the driver, apparently was unaware.....and probably texting while driving) and pulled in front of the SUV to get it to stop. When the SUV driver found out she had run over the cyclist, she got back in her SUV and tried to drive away, which was when the cyclist went from being injured to facing life-threatening injuries because the SUV driver actually drove over the injured person to get away. Then the SUV driver hit another parked car and drove away from that.

The Dangerous, Dangerous Streets Of Madison (AGAIN!!!)

So far I've biked 110 miles, burned more than 5,000 calories, and I've saved over $40 that would otherwise go to gas.

Here are the atrocious acts of the dangerous car drivers that my mini-cam captured today, on just one trip:

A car driving on both lanes of a two lane road, with half of his car in the opposing traffic's lane, on the underside of a hill where a person topping the hill from the other direction would not see this driver until it was too late

A total of 11 cars which did not yield to a pedestrian in the crosswalk, despite the car drivers having plenty of time and space to come to a reasonable stop

Two cars using a bike lane as a right turn lane. They could have run me over if I hadn't seen them starting to crowd the lane behind me and I deliberately slowed to let them pass first. Apparently, some Madison drivers have no freakin' idea what a solid white line means

All of this came from one random bike ride, on random streets, at a random time of the day. And it's like this day, after day, after day, in a city which has bike friendly reputation, but where many of the car-only drivers still have no clue about the laws that they are supposed to follow, laws which are supposed to keep everyone safe.

Why is this important to me? Because I don't want to be another tragedy until everyone figures out that driving cars has extremely important responsibilities that come with it, responsibilities (and laws) which the pictures and personal experiences above have shown are being completely ignored.

The Dangerous, Dangerous Streets Of Madison (AGAIN!!!)

Here's the atrocious and illegal automotive violations witnessed today:

A teenage male driving the wrong way on a one way street and in the bike lane, trying to fake side-swipe a jogger who appeared to be a friend of his. Here you can see his car clearly positioned over the bike lane, and just a few inches from the bridge wall, the jogger is about 15 feet in front of the car. The bike lane is marked by the double/solid yellow stripes

Three cars which did not yield to pedestrian/bike traffic in a marked crosswalk. They could have easily stopped, they were moving slowly and going uphill, but noooooooo, these actions would make it seem it's apparentley a car driver's God-given right their keep his foot on the gas, no matter if Wisconsin state law says they have to stop

Three more cars like this big honkin' SUV which not only refused to yield to pedestrian/bike traffic in a marked crosswalk, but they ACCELERATED after I placed my bike's front wheel and two feet into the crosswalk (which legally indicates that the crosswalk was in use). If their actions don't say "try it and I'll run you over!" I don't know what does. And this particular crosswalk has a big sign in the middle of it that says "STATE LAW-Yield to pedestrian traffic"

I ask you, regardless of my own personal opinion, wouldn't it be best for everyone to just follow the laws already in place? Is that so hard? If one person follows the laws and other people don't, it places the one person who follows the laws in danger. If most people don't follow the laws, the danger for that one person who does increases exponentially.

Ultimately, I think it means that no matter how much a city or state incorporates cycling transportation into its infrastructure (props to all of Oregon, Wisconsin/Madison, and Minneapolis), and no matter how many of those citizens cycle as opposed to driving, until the driver-only population educate themselves (because cycling and pedestrian safety laws aren't normally incorporated in driver's license exams), nobody is safe.

Even the other drivers.

All I want to do is to get from point A to point B safely. But no matter how safely I do so, my health is at risk until the drivers learn the rules and responsibilities of operating a car. There's a reason why these things are already law.

The Dangerous, Dangerous Streets Of Madison

My doctor wants me to ride my bike 3-5 miles every day. The chemically-injured body is under constant attack, due to its hyper-sensitive nature and the prevalence of toxic chemicals in the everyday world. If I don't exercise regularly, my body just starts shutting down as a defense mechanism. If I exercise, it has the effect of jump starting my body, especially my metabolism.

In the past two weeks, I've biked 84.1 miles. Most of these were on one of Madison's many bike paths, so it should be especially concerting that in the brief times I've been on regular streets I've seen:

1. One young male texting while driving (illegal in Wisconsin).
2. A soccer mom in her minivan texting while driving.
3. Four cars driving the wrong way down a one way street.
4. One driver using a bike lane to pass a slower vehicle, which is not only illegal but extremely dangerous: they could run over a cyclist or cause a wreck. The bike lane, which is between the regular automotive lane and the curb, is about 1/4th the size of an automotive lane. To squeeze by the passing car also drives over the regular automotive lane and is at risk of clipping the slower car.
5. One car using a bike lane as a right turn lane, which is also illegal, and they came within inches of clipping the car waiting at a red light in the automotive lane.
6. One car with two wheels in the automotive lane and two wheels in the bike lane, apparently, just for the hell of it.
7. A college coed who passed me within inches of my bike (which is illegal, if the car can't allow for three feet of space between the bike and the car they are not supposed to pass the bike).
   
8. Two cars using a bike & bus only lane as a regular automotive lane (yep, it's illegal).

This is why I've said several times that if I get hit by a car while on my bike I want my friends & family to subpoena the driver's cell phone records. If the driver is using the bike lane and hits me, it should come as no surprise that I attached a lipstick camera to my bike and I use it whenever I ride so that a video record will hopefully be preserved, unless the car driver runs over the camera too.

I have to admit that there is an added component to this equation, something which if I didn't have, my time on the bike would have been much lower. It's doctor-prescribed supplementary testosterone. Granted, I was testosterone-deficient before all of this and the supplementary testosterone only puts me back at normal, pre-injury levels. I'm by no means having an elevated testosterone level, the cream only puts me at the normal amount for a man my age. The fact that it's a cream which is absorbed slowly through the skin, as opposed to the mainline injection method athletes and body builders use, also slows the way in which the testosterone is introduced to the body. But I control the time at which the testosterone is administered, and by doctor's orders, it is applied at different times of the day, including the time right before I go for a bike ride.

Finally, to be testosterone deficient and haven gotten somewhat used to it (the doctor and I talked about testosterone therapy for a while before finally starting it, it was by no means a haste reaction), and then to have a normal amount of testosterone, well the effect is to relatively feel energized to a certain degree (one symptom of low testosterone is a depressed energy level). That's why I've added supplementary testosterone to my list of personal MCS definitions: I call it go go juice.